We feel that the word for this quarter is "surrender", accompanied by the loving yet challenging question from the Lord, "what is your treasure? what do you really love the most?" Trent and I recently watched a 3 minute youtube video of John Piper's response to the "health, wealth, and prosperity" gospel that is being touted by so many preachers, televangelists, and other pastors around the world. You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGzqIcbvARw. He is very blunt about how horrible this "gospel" is because it is not the gospel and is really just idolatry. While I also share Piper in his hatred for the overt "health, wealth, and prosperity" gospel because it is not the gospel, I felt surprisingly convicted by this video. I realized that my heart is prone to wander and treasure other things above Jesus, which is also idolatry! It made me start reflecting on how self centered and small my view of God usually is. God has been doing major heart movements in me surrounding this core, deep issue of where my treasure is. Trent and I, along with many of our students, have been on our knees begging the Lord to "circumcise our hearts so that we may truly love Him with all of our heart, mind, strength, and soul" (Deutoronomy 30:6). Things are shifting and softening in my heart and I am falling more in love with Jesus. I am beginning to feel more of the "rivers of living water" and love for others gushing from my heart.

I am also experiencing a lot of wrestling with Him as well. He is letting me see just how deep some of my other loves run, and He is slowly prying my hand away from those things. I feel like in some ways, God has been patiently waiting and asking, "how much of me do you want?" I thought I had already "lost my life for His sake and found it," and in some ways I have, but there is still more to go. And I truly believe that in God's economy, resurrection comes from death. Seeds must die to bear fruit. I must lose my life for His sake to save it and find it. It costs everything. But then I realize that everything I have is as loss, rubbish, garbage, compared to knowing Him. Philippians 3:7-11 says exactly what I am communicating here. As Paul writes from prison, he says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

So my Stanford degree, my gymnastics accomplishments, my incredible family and friends, ministry, are all a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I want there to be no comparison when it comes to what I love the most. This is challenging! I guess when we come face to face with Him one day, we will realize how pale everything is in comparison to his glory, goodness, and greatness!